"Postal fans' will rock when they play the Postal Dude and have to deal with ME, ha ha ha!!!" boasted a glimmering Gary Coleman. He's now rumored to be recovering at the Betty Ford Center for Injured and Traumatized Videogame Stars in Urbana, California.

"Damn those Running With Scissors guys and their box-cutters!" cursed Jarrod Phillips of House of Moves. "The bastards hijacked the studio again, leaving a bloody mess behind them. Thank God we found Gary before he'd completely bled out!"

"Gary made it a cakewalk of a shoot," confessed Desi, "it was the only way to make Gary look like Gary, move like Gary, freak like Gary and shoot like Gary for his real life playing character in Postal 2. I haven't had this much fun since I told the House of Moves' gang to drown all those homeless people to make that sinking ship movie the huge hit that it was!"

Running With Scissors develops outrageous entertainment software just for the hell of it. Visit the official website.