Genre: Racing/Puzzle
Publisher: THQ
Developer: Helixe
Release Date: June 6, 2006

Buy 'CARS':
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The quasi-magical union between Disney and Pixar that sounded the death knell for the animated classics of my youth have, nonetheless, issued forth a virtual cornucopia of films that will no doubt provide the same fond nostalgia for my children when the next advent in technology puts an end to that format. On the other hand, that same marriage of muse and computer-generated technology has spawned a deluge of poorly conceived, ho-hum games that belie the genius from which they are so untimely ripped. As a rule, games based on Disney licenses are mediocre at best, even when the target demographic is taken into account.

This rule applies roundly to Cars, Helixe's mini-game-based attempt at juvenile entertainment. It should be noted that Cars isn't a terrible game. In fact, a few of the mini-games are fun, and a couple are downright addictive. While each provides at least a modicum of entertainment at first, they invariably lose their appeal somewhere during the 10 progressively difficult rounds which comprise the bulk of the game.

Cars begins with three of the 12 mini-games accessible. The remaining games are unlocked by completing these events and by winning the main racing portion of the game. The minis run the gamut from memorization puzzles to tests of rhythm to twitch-based stylus frenzies. "Gesundheit," one of the first three minis, has the unfortunately named Snot Rod attempting to escape the local sheriff on his the highway between Radiator Springs and Torque-town. Using the stylus, the player must switch lanes to afford slower-moving traffic and other racers that speed up from behind. Each mistake costs the player one of five stars, with the final star representing Snot Rod's capture. The game can be quite fun, with each round introducing more and larger vehicles to provide obstacles for the nasally congested hero.

Another of the original three minis is "Flo's Café," a relatively simple game in which the player must switch between 10 fuel pumps in an effort to sate the combustive needs of an ever-arriving slew of customers. The control pad is used to switch between the pumps, and each needy car is rubbed with the stylus until his floating fuel gauge is filled. To add a time constraint, customers will wait for only a few moments at empty before becoming frustrated with the lack of service and moving on. The third mini of the first set is "That Blinkin' Light," and if you are anything at all like me, it is one of the most difficult components if the entire game. It sounds simple enough: Memorize the patterns of six flashing lights, and then tap the lights in that order. Of course, since I have trouble remembering my own phone number (this is not an exaggeration), I had more than my fair share of headache with this one.

As soon as these games are completed, the first portion of the racing game, "Piston Cup," becomes available. This is perhaps where Cars is at its weakest. Since cutesy racing games are an absolute staple of Nintendo history, it strikes an odd chord that a game ostensibly about a racecar isn't more focused on exactly that task. Instead, "Piston Cup" is less like an actual racing game and more like another mini-game. Zooming around a short track, red racer Lightning squares off against rival Chick Hicks. Instead of actually controlling the action of the race, however, the player merely uses the control pad to dodge oncoming cars and attempt to ram Chick into them. While there is an acceleration function, it bears very little use, as it is completely impossible to pass Chick for more than a few moments. Every two laps, the player is subjected to yet another mini, a quick screen-tapping ordeal in which lug nuts are popped off and Lightning's tires are changed. "Piston Cup," which could have been the game's strongest portion, seems to be little more than a taped-on afterthought. Because of what it could have (read: should have) been, this particular mini comes off as more of a detriment than an addition.

Luckily for the overall game, there are several other minis which have no business being as fun as they are. "Fishin' Mater" is an incredibly silly little game that finds the goofy tow truck attempting to fish garbage out of the river with his tow hook. The stylus is used to draw the hook back like a slingshot, and any captured trash is then reeled into the waiting truck. Reeling too fast will cause the line to snap and will also stun Mater. It is also important to avoid other pieces of trash, as they too can cause the loss of any accrued garbage. Mater is also the star of "World's Best Backwards Driver," another fun mini. In this one, rapid-fire taps on either side of the touch-screen allow Mater to build his backwards momentum, eventually leaping into the air and collecting stars from the night sky. Obviously, the more speed Mater has gathered, the higher he jumps, and the more stars he is ultimately able to collect.

On the other hand, there are also a few games that, like "Piston Cup," do not offer fun but instead provide frustration or boredom. "Luigi's Casa Della Tires" stars the little forklift Guido trying to restack his boss's tires by flinging them roughly one on top of the other. While the early rounds are fun, the mini grows in challenge as rounds are completed until Guido is flinging tires completely from the bottom of the touch-screen all the way to the top of the view screen. To add even further frustration, occasional changes in the wind take the tires scant centimeters too far to the left or right of the pile, and indeed move the pile itself out of the way of tires that would have otherwise landed neatly on top. "Hydraulic Jump Jam" tasks the player to tap Ramone at exact moments to cause him to leap higher and higher, scoring points with each jump. Occasionally, shapes will appear under Ramone. If the shaped are correctly traced with the stylus, more points are added. The problem is that the correct timing for the jump taps seem to change from bounce to bounce, and it is rare that a high jump can be sustained for more than a few bounds. There are several other mini-games, and in each case, they are fun at first, but unfortunately, the relative lack of variety hurts them.

The graphics of Cars are quite nice, and are nearly indistinguishable from those of the film itself. Brightly colored and sharp, the models and textures suffer from very little of the DS' natural pixelation problem. The sound is also well done, with music from the movie easy to hear, and it's simple to distinguish auditory cues. There is a bit of distortion on some of the sound effects, and the repetitive rev of engines can create a kind of droning that isn't exceptionally pleasant, but these tiny problems don't really engender much of detraction from the overall sound design. Cars is also beset by a multiplayer situation that is, at best, dismal. Offering only a head-to-head match up is bad. Offering that head-to-head match up only on the "Piston Cup" game is worse, but offering that only on two-card local play is absolutely unforgivable.

Overall, Cars is a fun game that is quite adequate as a distraction for its target audience. For an adult, on the other hand, the game has only rare moments that qualify as entertainment. The sound is good, and the graphics are even better, but the multiplayer mode's failure completely undoes any accolades that these elements might offer. Parents in the market for a G-rated game for their children, and fans of the movie may enjoy Cars, but fans of the DS' racing library will be sorely disappointed.

Score: 7.0/10